Last week, out of the blue, a friend sent me a job posting for a job and company that I had interviewed for over a year ago. I never got the job because they wanted someone with more agency experience. Since my friend works for the company, she recommended me for the job and they contacted me again.
We set up an interview for just a few days following. I was initially so excited that I just wanted to jump ship right then and there. Then, my hesitation and fear crept in - or call it my rational, mature mind. In no way do I love my current job 100%, but I realize it's very hard to find a job that meets almost all my criteria like my current one does. Flexibility, part time, location, title/position, chosen career field, ability to be creative, not too demanding, excellent benefits, my own office with a great view and a gym in the building.
Anywhere I work I know I will get annoyed with the person I work for and the people I work with and the annoyance of even going to work in the first place. So I stifled my initial excitement and asked myself if I REALLY wanted to make a job change at this particular time of being 4 months pregnant. The answer was no.
Changing jobs is almost like dating. You crave the interest and attention of the new suitor, but you don't want to lose the stability and predictability of your current relationship. Initially you think, "Hell yeah I'll go out with you! That will be so much more fun!" Then the guilt sets in that you're going to cheat on your significant other and how is it going to look and you're instantly torn about what you should do. I've always been a job hopper and a relationship hopper. The grass IS always greener on the other side of the fence for me.
But right now, I don't want to lose the medical benefits, the maternity leave, the time invested, and the peace of knowing a job and a company. I really prayed for an answer from God hoping he would tell me what to do. He didn't, as he never does, but I keep hoping he'll speak to me so I can just choose the right path instead of bumbling around all the time.
I ended up emailing them to cancel the interview with the reason that after further consideration, it's just not a good time for a job change. However, if they want to re-visit it in March, I'll be willing, of course...
To be honest, however much I love my chosen career field and working, I don't know how I'm going to manage 3 kids and continue to work when the baby is born. I'm sure I can still manage to do it, but you never know. I would rather quit working completely at this point than switch jobs, trading for a different kind of stress and annoyance. I always want to earn money but I am growing increasingly irritated by working for companies. I don't desire to become rich or climb any ladder, I just want to have a good life filled with substance and meaning. I wish I could be more in a work from home role or run my own small business or write professionally.
I think I will start a writing notebook for inspiration and writing prompts and set up a creative, inspiring writing corner in my office. Set up a nice area where I can hopefully avoid distraction and not be connected to the internet. That is my ultimate downfall.
PRAY FOR ME!