Sunday, January 30, 2011
Thank God it was just a dream - I am not pregnant nor do I plan on having any more!!
Friday, January 28, 2011
I pray that my mommy gets lots of sleep, exercise and laughter. Help me be a good boy and that my sisters treat mommy well too. Please remove the demons that strike them every evening. I pray that mommy finds a way to find peace in this season of her life and embraces each moment. Help her to see her family as a blessing and not a burden. Help her feel beautiful as she is right now; without makeup, nice hair or perfect body.
Oh, I'm hungry again. Gotta go! MOMMMMMYYYYYY!!!! WWWAAAAAHHHHHHH
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Things that need attention: floors, bathrooms, paper clutter, meal planning, cooking, my appearance, dusting, exercise, car washed, litter box, photo management, computer time (UNINTERRUPTED)...
It is so frustrating not to do anything fun day in and day out too. How lame! How do you fit fun in between feeding a baby every 3 hours, and all the other responsibilities?? Pretty soon I'll be back to work and I'll have even less time and more work. What a sell out I am! I want a life of leisure. What happened?!
My expectations need to be lowered I suppose. My tech addiction will need to be tamed. No time for leisure and selfish pursuits. Makes me weep.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
It was SO nice not to be pregnant on the treadmill, groaning and peeing my pants with every step. (At a snail's pace.) And it was nice not to have the baby to watch over for 40 minutes.
I am 127 lbs., 7 lbs. over my normal weight, and a little less muscular than normal, but overall I feel great! I feel much more energetic and healthy at 6 weeks postpartum. A little more human. I
It seems my blood pressure is almost normal again, my bleeding has stopped, my Bells Palsy has gone away, and my drained abscess is almost totally healed. THANK GOD for little miracles! I need to keep reminding myself that I am truly blessed. Otherwise I start feeling melancholy and anxious. Lately I almost start crying out of the blue.
I keep thinking about going back to work, childcare, the chaos of hustle and bustle and feeling like I'm a bad mom, worrying if I'm doing enough to make chickadees feel loved and special. Yes, I deal with anxiety and mild depression often and the hormones make it worse. I won't take meds for it, but working out helps me feel much better. Honestly, I don't care if my body isn't super perfect, I just need exercise to destress and give myself an esteem boost.
I'm excited to start going more during the week and try out some of the classes at the gym.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Then he started french kissing me passionately and I let him even though I was screaming in my head "NO!!!" Then all of a sudden coworkers started coming into the room and were surprised to see us together. I was mortified and embarrassed.
Luckily that was the end of the dream and there was no further tom-foolery. I would have had to seek psychotherapy if I had gone deeper into that dream. I need to go back to having romantic dreams about Vince Vaughn and other hotties. I don't even mind the dreams about my exes as opposed to the ones about my bosses.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
But now I'm battling a golf ball-sized lump in my boob that apparently isn't a clogged duct. I'm going on a week and half with this little gem. I went to see the breast specialist today and she prescribed yet another antibiotic and wants to do an ultrasound on it next week. I'm starting to believe that it's an abscess. If that's the case, then I'll need to have it drained or surgically removed. Pain, time and $$$$$!
More and more doctors visits means I will most definitely need to return to work to pay these medical bills off and keep my insurance active. With 3 kids and a chaotic household, work is starting to sound more and more appealing, however.
Based on my sister's recommendation, I tried positive thinking, visualizing, and affirmations towards the lump to try to get it to go away. I recited, "Milk flow freely; boob soft." Maybe I didn't take it seriously enough - it didn't work. I almost considered taking the meat marinating needle from the kitchen drawer and stabbing it into the lump to drain it myself. But, I just heated up another hot pack to put on it instead.
Having health issues is very irritating (and humbling). I hope this boob issue works itself out and I can put this postpartum craziness behind me.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Delight the world with your compassion, kindness and grace.
THIS I truly need to work on! I am so short-tempered and harsh. I can't seem to filter myself. My oldest chickadee told me yesterday after one of my outbursts, "I still love you mama." And gave me a big hug. *GUILT*
Another time yesterday after I blew up at her little sister for peeing on the couch for the second time that day, she said, "Be nice mama! She is a child of God and God is watching you."
It seems my vow to myself to never be like my mom, or to always be a stellar mom is not going so well currently. So yes, I should really delight the world with my compassion, kindness and grace....if I could only figure out where I misplaced it.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Here is the initial post template they encourage you to copy/paste if you plan to participate.
I’ve decided I want to blog more. Rather than just thinking about doing it, I’m starting right now. I will be posting on this blog AT LEAST once a week for all of 2011.
I know it won’t be easy, but it might be fun, inspiring, awesome and wonderful. Therefore I’m promising to make use of The DailyPost, and the community of other bloggers with similiar goals, to help me along the way, including asking for help when I need it and encouraging others when I can.
If you already read my blog, I hope you’ll encourage me with comments and good will along the way.
ElleI am actually confident that I'll be posting a lot more than I did in 2010. Once a week is a totally manageable goal - especially when given writing prompts. It should be a refreshing break from my complaining about people all the time, right? But of course, I won't give up my complaining. It's so cathartic.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Beyond just surviving day to day, I aim to be more patient with my girls, more loving, engaged, interested and more fun. Specifically and most immediate is to stop dropping F-bombs around them and treating them harshly when they behave poorly.
I really don't know how I'm going to do as a mom of 3, but I pray that I look at my children as a blessing instead of burdens. Because they really are.