Sunday, January 30, 2011

Nightmare

OMG. I had an awful dream last night. I was riding on a city bus with several friends (that's not the nightmare part), and I was telling them I had just been to the doctor. I told them that she had informed me that I was pregnant - with triplets. They found 3 strong heartbeats. I told my friends that there was still a chance that one or two of them might die in there, so it would be okay. But then as I was talking, I realized that I would need to buy a huge stroller and other equipment, and I was in deep trouble.

Photo Credit: Dmitriy Melnikov | Dreamstime.com

Thank God it was just a dream - I am not pregnant nor do I plan on having any more!!

Friday, January 28, 2011

Baby Prayers

Dear God,

I pray that my mommy gets lots of sleep, exercise and laughter. Help me be a good boy and that my sisters treat mommy well too. Please remove the demons that strike them every evening. I pray that mommy finds a way to find peace in this season of her life and embraces each moment. Help her to see her family as a blessing and not a burden. Help her feel beautiful as she is right now; without makeup, nice hair or perfect body.

Oh, I'm hungry again. Gotta go! MOMMMMMYYYYYY!!!! WWWAAAAAHHHHHHH

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Domestic Failure

I've been home on maternity leave for 2 months now and I'm slowly losing it. I had every intention to be completely productive and catch up with my to-do list. I started out strong and kicked ass at being productive. Now I feel completely lame that I can hardly keep up with the laundry and dishes. Nothing else gets done even though I'm home all damn day.

Things that need attention: floors, bathrooms, paper clutter, meal planning, cooking, my appearance, dusting, exercise, car washed, litter box, photo management, computer time (UNINTERRUPTED)...

It is so frustrating not to do anything fun day in and day out too. How lame! How do you fit fun in between feeding a baby every 3 hours, and all the other responsibilities?? Pretty soon I'll be back to work and I'll have even less time and more work. What a sell out I am! I want a life of leisure. What happened?!

My expectations need to be lowered I suppose. My tech addiction will need to be tamed. No time for leisure and selfish pursuits. Makes me weep.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Back to the Gym!

Woo hoo! My first day back to the gym in over 2 months was this morning!

It was SO nice not to be pregnant on the treadmill, groaning and peeing my pants with every step. (At a snail's pace.) And it was nice not to have the baby to watch over for 40 minutes.

I am 127 lbs., 7 lbs. over my normal weight, and a little less muscular than normal, but overall I feel great! I feel much more energetic and healthy at 6 weeks postpartum. A little more human. I

It seems my blood pressure is almost normal again, my bleeding has stopped, my Bells Palsy has gone away, and my drained abscess is almost totally healed. THANK GOD for little miracles! I need to keep reminding myself that I am truly blessed. Otherwise I start feeling melancholy and anxious. Lately I almost start crying out of the blue.

I keep thinking about going back to work, childcare, the chaos of hustle and bustle and feeling like I'm a bad mom, worrying if I'm doing enough to make chickadees feel loved and special. Yes, I deal with anxiety and mild depression often and the hormones make it worse. I won't take meds for it, but working out helps me feel much better. Honestly, I don't care if my body isn't super perfect, I just need exercise to destress and give myself an esteem boost.

I'm excited to start going more during the week and try out some of the classes at the gym.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Unwelcomed Dream About Boss

It never fails. I always seem to have "romantic" dreams about the guys I work for at some point in time. And trust me I have no desire whatsoever to be with any of my bosses. My current boss especially! He is old, abrasive, misogynist and not attractive whatsoever.
I wish I did not have to be permanently scarred by having that awful dream about him last night. It involved us taking a business trip, having to stay in the same hotel room, with only 1 bed, him bringing me beautiful flowers to romance me, trying to impress me with his sophisticated ways, being affectionate and tender and spooning with me even though I just a baby (who was there). He seemed to love the fact that I was a mother of 3 and so maternal. HA!

Then he started french kissing me passionately and I let him even though I was screaming in my head "NO!!!" Then all of a sudden coworkers started coming into the room and were surprised to see us together. I was mortified and embarrassed.

Luckily that was the end of the dream and there was no further tom-foolery. I would have had to seek psychotherapy if I had gone deeper into that dream. I need to go back to having romantic dreams about Vince Vaughn and other hotties. I don't even mind the dreams about my exes as opposed to the ones about my bosses.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Beautiful Photo of Drained Abscess

Here she is in all her glory - Mount Saint Helens ERUPTED! (drained).

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Witching Hour Solution

EUREKA! My prayers have been answered! We've finally found a way to stop the chaos and manic behavior in my oldest chickadee. We taught her how to use the Wii and bought her a game called 'Just Dance Kids'. She's been playing that game and Wii Play for hours, burning calories, learning how to follow instructions, word recognition, hand-eye coordination and best of all, not fighting with her little sister and trashing the house.
We usually tune them into Noggin/Nick Jr. to tame the crazies, but then they get too lazy. Now we just need to make sure she doesn't become a total gamer. But now when I've got a baby latched on every 3 hours and more home-bound, it's a win-win.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Boob Issues

I'm currently 4 weeks postpartum now and my body is still trying to mend itself of its issues. My short bout with Bells Palsy has worked itself out, my blood pressure is finally back to normal, my bleeding has slowed down to a manageable level, I'm getting a bit more sleep... things should be looking up!

But now I'm battling a golf ball-sized lump in my boob that apparently isn't a clogged duct. I'm going on a week and half with this little gem. I went to see the breast specialist today and she prescribed yet another antibiotic and wants to do an ultrasound on it next week. I'm starting to believe that it's an abscess. If that's the case, then I'll need to have it drained or surgically removed. Pain, time and $$$$$!
Photo Credit: Michelle Meiklejohn

More and more doctors visits means I will most definitely need to return to work to pay these medical bills off and keep my insurance active. With 3 kids and a chaotic household, work is starting to sound more and more appealing, however.

Based on my sister's recommendation, I tried positive thinking, visualizing, and affirmations towards the lump to try to get it to go away. I recited, "Milk flow freely; boob soft." Maybe I didn't take it seriously enough - it didn't work. I almost considered taking the meat marinating needle from the kitchen drawer and stabbing it into the lump to drain it myself. But, I just heated up another hot pack to put on it instead.

Having health issues is very irritating (and humbling). I hope this boob issue works itself out and I can put this postpartum craziness behind me.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Yogi Tea Label

As I'm finishing off my raspberry leaf tea (that put me into labor), I enjoy reading the little tags. Today, mine reads:

Delight the world with your compassion, kindness and grace.

THIS I truly need to work on! I am so short-tempered and harsh. I can't seem to filter myself. My oldest chickadee told me yesterday after one of my outbursts, "I still love you mama." And gave me a big hug. *GUILT*

Another time yesterday after I blew up at her little sister for peeing on the couch for the second time that day, she said, "Be nice mama! She is a child of God and God is watching you."

*DOUBLE GUILT*

It seems my vow to myself to never be like my mom, or to always be a stellar mom is not going so well currently. So yes, I should really delight the world with my compassion, kindness and grace....if I could only figure out where I misplaced it.

Monday, January 3, 2011

I’m Posting Every Week in 2011!

Based on a new promotion on The DailyPost Blog, to inspire bloggers to blog more and providing them with various topics to write on, I've decided to take on the challenge.  However, instead of writing daily, I aspire to write at least once a week.

Here is the initial post template they encourage you to copy/paste if you plan to participate.

Dear Reader,
I’ve decided I want to blog more. Rather than just thinking about doing it, I’m starting right now. I will be posting on this blog AT LEAST once a week for all of 2011.
I know it won’t be easy, but it might be fun, inspiring, awesome and wonderful. Therefore I’m promising to make use of The DailyPost, and the community of other bloggers with similiar goals, to help me along the way, including asking for help when I need it and encouraging others when I can.
If you already read my blog, I hope you’ll encourage me with comments and good will along the way.
Warmest Regards,
Elle
I am actually confident that I'll be posting a lot more than I did in 2010. Once a week is a totally manageable goal - especially when given writing prompts.  It should be a refreshing break from my complaining about people all the time, right? But of course, I won't give up my complaining.  It's so cathartic.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

New Years Resolutions

I haven't put much thought into anything beyond the birth of the l'il dude and surviving Christmas this year. Now that I've successfully gotten through them both of them, it occurs to me that it's time to look ahead to 2011.

Beyond just surviving day to day, I aim to be more patient with my girls, more loving, engaged, interested and more fun. Specifically and most immediate is to stop dropping F-bombs around them and treating them harshly when they behave poorly.

I really don't know how I'm going to do as a mom of 3, but I pray that I look at my children as a blessing instead of burdens. Because they really are.