Wednesday, February 2, 2011


Here comes a big vent on how dysfunctional my big brother is. I usually try to push aside thoughts of him very much as I have no control over his life and his poor choices. But I can't help be disturbed by his continued bad choices and how his life is like a train wreck.

He has been out of prison for about a year, and things HAD been looking up. He was living in a sober living house and getting disability benefits, medical benefits, classes, etc. Then...he made a bad choice by having 'just one beer' one night. He got kicked out of his sober living house. His girlfriend, his 'baby mama' as he called her himself, broke up with him and filed a restraining order against him. So he lost relationships with the two things that had been keeping him going while he was locked up. Sad.

Photo Credit: Hurricanehank -
I had been talking to him regularly until he lost his cell phone because he wasn't paying the bill. In a way, it's a relief not to talk to him. Always the victim, and never one to listen to reason or heed my advice. I've just put him out of my head, but I always expect to get random calls from him or my older sister to inform me he'd been to the hospital again, or ended up in jail again or someday the big call that he's been found dead.

Well, I hear he is in jail now. He had been riding in someone's car and they'd been pulled over. He wasn't wearing a seatbelt and they discovered some unpaid tickets on him, so off to jail he went. Dumbass. But - at least he's safe in jail and not a harm to himself or others. Warped thinking, I know, but he's just so toxic.

I have practiced tough love with him and he doesn't always like to hear what I have to say. So he doesn't call me as often. But here is a copy of the texts we sent back and forth the other day. (The misspellings are his, not mine.)

Bro: "yout brother heath is going to SHIT"
"not doing good can i call u"
Me: "What's the matter? My battery is dying."
Bro: "bad athrights" (arthritis)
"been to the hospital like 3 times this mouth running 10 tests on me."
"its serous shit"
Me: "Really? Is it from drinking too much pop? Alcohol? Smoking? Bad nutrition?"
Bro: "not shure goes from back, too albow, too ankle. takes turn. all when I wake up."
Me: "Do you have primary care doctor? ER visits are expensive!" (knowing damn well he doesn't, and he doesn't care that tax payers are paying for all his ER visits. Pisses me off when we have double insurance and have to pay almost $900 just for one ER visit to have littlest chickadee's chin stitched up. Not paying is NOT an option.
Bro: "I have a doc. I dont pay hospital. state."
Me: "Benefits? Nice. Well try to stay health and well the best you can."
Bro: "got new cell. 250 mins a month for a year. free."

That's the end of the correspondence.

Wow - free minutes! So glad your priorities are in order! Christ. He's one of those guys who doesn't have his basic needs met or a job, but he makes sure to have a cell phone and a laptop. Who the hell does he really need to talk to anyway? His sisters?! Because he doesn't have any friends that I know of. He leeches off of everyone.

I am back to praying to God to save my brother from his chronic bad choices and tormented soul. I can't change him or help him. It can only been done by him and with the help of God. How long can a grown man live a childish and reckless existence??

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