I am a big ball of anxiety. I have a phone interview for my dream job tomorrow and no established childcare! I'm completely crazy for leaving it to chance.
My oldest chickadee has to stay home I think because she threw up twice today. My littlest chickadee I was going to plop in front of the TV. I was just going to feed the little chicken hawk, give him his binky and put him in the swing. Then PRAY to God that I remain undisturbed for the entire phone interview. That is just asking too much of all 3 kids though.
My friend might come over to supervise the little clutch or my husband offered to take an early lunch to come home and help out. Ideally though, it's best to prepare for an interview hours in advance, reviewing the company, sample interview questions, warming up your vocal cords, gaining confidence. Not easy to do with a nursing baby, a sick child and an accident-prone preschooler at home. Can I lock them out in the backyard for a half an hour? The TV and lots of delicious snacks are my best bet I think.
This job is with a well-known lifestyle brand doing marketing communications/social media. I am totally qualified for the position and am passionate about the products. I did not want to return to work this soon (assuming I even get past the phone interview), but for this job, I totally would.
I am just totally stuck on childcare for the little chicken hawk though. The girls are simple to place somewhere. Infant childcare is ridiculously expensive and hard to come by. My long term provider is too far to drive to anymore, sadly. There is an in-home daycare near me that is affordable, but a somewhat stern Indian woman runs it and doesn't have the free spirit and playful nature that I am usually drawn to. She has one opening right now.
At this point, I am fine if I don't get the job too so I can enjoy the summer with all the kids. But on the other hand, I seriously doubt another job this cool would come about. I know I've told myself I don't ever want to work corporate again.........I said I was going to dive straight into writing short stories, novels, poems, you name it. I was going to develop some cool business ideas, grow my blog, keep the house running smoothly and be the perfect mom. Um yeah, that's not really happening.
My mind is not fully-functional, I'm getting super lazy and bored, I'm overeating and under-exercising, I am not efficient with my time at home; it's just not turning out as I would have liked. For some reason, going to a job is therapeutic and fulfilling sometimes. It's nice to be around other people and develop friendships and have a life outside of the chaos at home.
Now my last job was a farce and my boss was a total douchebag, but I almost miss it. I wish I didn't keep having nightmares about my boss though. It's really starting to bug me. I keep dreaming that he hired me back and I'm wondering why I am going along with it.
I must prepare my body and mind for this daunting interview tomorrow. Must get some sleep. The baby is waking up at night again to nurse and it exhausts me.
I am leaving the outcome in God's hands - or fate if you will. Whatever will be, will be.