I hate it when I can’t articulate my muddled thoughts. “What’s your plan?” - a question fairly benign, but still loaded. It’s a common question I’ve been asked since getting terminated from my job last year. I just had another chat with my step-mother-in-law to discuss my employment plan. To be honest, my ‘plan’ if you want to call it that, has always been to freeload off the government for as long as possible, and then decide if I’m going to get another job or continue to try to see if I can make a living writing.
So I haven’t really made a lot of money off my writing yet, but I’ve sure enjoyed it this past year. I find it very rewarding. Working for a corporate entity - not so much. But I can’t say anything negative to my step-MIL because to her, whenever I say anything like this it sounds like I’m a whiner or complainer. Probably so. I am a wee bit fatigued and grouchier than those who don’t have small children, but give me a chance.
She asked me to tell her about the job lead I have, but I’ve suddenly forgotten all about it. It seems so long ago and almost like a dream when I got the phone call and email. It’s not a lost opportunity; just put on hold until after the holidays. I’m excited, but not too much. I want it, but not too badly. I’m pathetic, I know. I need to be able to get excited about SOMETHING! I am excited about my blog, but when I told her a little about the blogging I’m learning about, she said, “You mean the kind that make millions by just writing about waking up and getting their coffee everyday?” Hmmmm… how to respond????
I tried to mention that there is a little more to it than that - current events, being out and about in your city, reviews, etc. Still a disinterested expression and minimizing. Oh well. If I would have brought up some names of professional women bloggers who are a brand entity, her eyes would have really rolled.
Then I babbled about how I took some small business classes, I wrote 50,000 words of a novel, I serve on a non-profit committee, I’d like to continue to freelance and I have some entrepreneurial ideas... The more I talked, the more I sounded like a non-focused loon. I’m sure she was thinking, “Just get a job or admit that you are a homemaker.” Which I will most certainly not – yet.
I told her I want to continue to work in my field, but not in such a corporate setting. For an asshole – I say more quietly. I know she wanted to tell me that bad bosses are everywhere and to just suck it up. I’m sure she’s told me that before. She said once, “Have you ever liked any of your bosses?” The answer – “Mostly no. I have an aversion to authority figures due to my lack of parental nurturing.”
I like what I do for a profession, I have helped promote her company as well as others since getting laid off. I would love to continue to do the same and get PAID for it. We both agree that being a parent of three doesn’t really allow me to work from home with the responsibility of kids. But that daycare is pricey, so the work better pay off if I’m using it.
About my son, she said, “He’s ready for a more social setting.” Ah okay, I’ll just go right back to work and start taking him to daycare, little chickadee to preschool and big chickadee to elementary school. Three kids in three different places = one frazzled mom. I’m just riding it out right now. I don’t need to decide today, but I should decide in the next six months.
Now that I’m weaning the l’il chicken hawk, I’ll have my body back completely and hopefully my moods will even out. It just frustrates me that she will often ask me these questions that I don’t quite know how to answer because she doesn’t really listen to my responses anyway and doesn’t find value in the latest technology or trends. I might as well lie and say that I just am happy to be a mom and a wife and cater to their every needs, foregoing my own. The End. Sure, it’s a boldfaced lie, but at least I’d be committing to something.