I don't know what her fucking problem is, but I'm sick of getting her cold shoulder. I'm so sick of her neglectful parenting and grand-parenting. I've said this over and over and over again my entire life. I should be over it and be well-adjusted at this ripe old age. But I'm not. The longer the time gap, the more irate I become.
I call, I leave messages, then wait. And wait. And wait. When she does call me back, she only wants to talk for a few minutes about superficial topics. She shows no real interest in me, my feelings, my struggles, experiences or my family - HER family. Her grand-kids. Wouldn't it be so nice if she loved and spoiled her grand-kids like a normal grandma? Hmph.
So many times in my life I just wanted to write her off and never speak to her again, but it never seems to bother her at all. She's just so detached and uninterested. It stings. I want a loving mom in my life. I want a mother figure to nurture me and comfort me. Is it too much to ask for?
She doesn't drink, do drugs and never physically abused me, but she chain-smoked and gambled up a storm. At this time in my life, I know she's not going to live forever and I will miss her when she's dead. But I also miss her terribly now. It's as if she's dead already. I want to have a relationship with her. It doesn't need to be extremely lovey-dovey, but affectionate would be nice.
She's always been a depressive personality and anti-social, but to shut out your own kids?! Lame. I hope I'm never this distant with my own children. Isn't that the whole point of having kids? To have that emotional connection and love? Apparently my mom has a heart of coal and doesn't need or want love. She lives alone with her
Please Lord, don't let me become my mother with age. I always want to be a good, loving mom who has a relationship with my kids. Amen.