Saturday, March 24, 2012

MIA Mom

My mom is MIA (missing in action). She has been for weeks, months, years and decades. My whole life.

I don't know what her fucking problem is, but I'm sick of getting her cold shoulder. I'm so sick of her neglectful parenting and grand-parenting. I've said this over and over and over again my entire life. I should be over it and be well-adjusted at this ripe old age. But I'm not. The longer the time gap, the more irate I become.

I call, I leave messages, then wait. And wait. And wait. When she does call me back, she only wants to talk for a few minutes about superficial topics. She shows no real interest in me, my feelings, my struggles, experiences or my family - HER family. Her grand-kids. Wouldn't it be so nice if she loved and spoiled her grand-kids like a normal grandma? Hmph.

So many times in my life I just wanted to write her off and never speak to her again, but it never seems to bother her at all. She's just so detached and uninterested. It stings. I want a loving mom in my life. I want a mother figure to nurture me and comfort me. Is it too much to ask for?

She doesn't drink, do drugs and never physically abused me, but she chain-smoked and gambled up a storm. At this time in my life, I know she's not going to live forever and I will miss her when she's dead. But I also miss her terribly now. It's as if she's dead already. I want to have a relationship with her. It doesn't need to be extremely lovey-dovey, but affectionate would be nice.

She's always been a depressive personality and anti-social, but to shut out your own kids?! Lame. I hope I'm never this distant with my own children.  Isn't that the whole point of having kids? To have that emotional connection and love? Apparently my mom has a heart of coal and doesn't need or want love. She lives alone with her 3 2 dogs (RIP Mouse.)

Please Lord, don't let me become my mother with age. I always want to be a good, loving mom who has a relationship with my kids. Amen.

Prize: BubCaps

Two weeks ago, I participated in the MomsLA Twitter Party on Technology for Moms. Happily, when I logged onto my TweetDeck that Wednesday morning, I saw that I already had been selected to win a BubCap Explorer 6-Pack prize from Paperclip Robot.

I was super psyched because I had so many meetings scheduled for that day, I wasn't even sure I was going to be able to attend the chat. I think I startled my office-mate when I screeched with excitement. I love to win prizes!

BubCaps are a nifty little gadget - a 'home button cover' to prevent young children from leaving their games and apps on your iPhone, iPad or iPod touch. It stops them from pressing the home button and getting into your apps to wreak havoc. Ingenious!

They come in three different strengths (regular, ultra, max) and two colors (black, white).

MomsLA Twitter Parties
On Wednesdays at 10am PST, MomsLA hosts a party on Twitter using the hashtag #MomsLAChat. We have great expert panelists and the chatting is always informative! Plus the prizes aren’t bad, either.

Review: Spot it! Game

We had a blast this Friday, our family game night, playing our new game, Spot it! My chickadees are hooked! Even before we reviewed the rules, they had a fun time looking at the bright colors and pictures and making up their own rules.
 From Blue Orange Games:
There is always one, and only one, matching symbol between any 2 cards in this party game. Spot it and you win! A sharp eye and a little bit of speed is all it takes to become a Spot it! master.
What we loved about Spot it!: small, portable, easy, creative and fun. For parents who can't stand a lot of small pieces and complicated rules, this game is ideal. Spot it! is spot on!

Disclaimer: Blue Orange Games kindly supplied me with two Spot it! games to facilitate a review. - The second game made an awesome birthday gift for my 7 year-old nephew.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Green for Saint Patrick's Day

Instead of celebrating Saint Patrick's day like a normal 'Irish-once-a-year' girl, enjoying Guinness, corned beef, cabbage and boiled potatoes, I was bedridden and green with the flu.

Photo: Dreamstime|Piotr Marcinski

I slept off and on all day, couldn't take care of the kids and couldn't even watch TV. Total bummer. What's worse, I had some of the weirdest dreams. Delirium. The one that really disturbed me is the dream where I was having stand-up sex in a cave-like dwelling with a man who resembled Jesus. He even let me cut his long, flowing hair.

Very strange. I know I fell asleep after praying to the porcelain God and begged God almighty to help me get over the flu fast. But I certainly didn't want to have that kind of a sick dream. I don't know if I'll ever be able to pray again. The vision is burnt into my memory. I don't even think I can tell anyone about it without getting one of those critical, judgmental looks - "What is wrong with you?"

The good news is - I woke up this morning and the flu was gone! HALLELUJAH!

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Weekend Warrior


I'm on week four of my new job, and working life is going so well! There are some growing pains, but I'm sure it will get easier with time (drop off, pick up, making lunches, laundry at all hours of the day, homework, reading requirements).

Photo Credit: Dreamstime|Udra11
This weekend I thought for sure I could tidy up the house and make it look habitable. But here I am Sunday at 4:30, utterly exhausted and nothing to show for it. The only thing I can stay on top of is laundry and dishes - and that's BARELY.

There are still dishes on the counter that need to be put away. Magazines, books and papers all over every surface. Little kids' shoes, toys and socks everywhere. Dog paw prints by the front door. Shreds of toilet paper discarded on the floor of the bathrooms. Discarded jackets, sweatshirts and other items of clothing on the coach, table, stairs. What the fuck?!

I normally just ignore it all. I can only do so much and I'm just trying to take decent care of the kids and myself to get through the day. How in the hell do 'normal' people do it?  Move at lightning speed with something in their hands at all times, up and down the stairs; wiping, sorting, bending, lifting, busting ass. I really tried this weekend...pitiful results. I'm at the point too where I refuse to clean up after the chickadee's messes. It's just going to sit there.

My husband and oldest daughter went on a camping trip this weekend, so my workload should have been easier, right? It wasn't at all! My littlest chickadee was more clingy and demanding and the l'il chicken hawk was all over the place. And they wanted to be fed non-stop! Pah-lease - and I didn't get adequate nutrition at all!

Seriously, I woke up early Saturday and Sunday, tried to get everyone dressed, feed them, walk the stupid dog, feed her, clean the litterbox, wash the car and other lame chores and then it was lunch time and then I kept on chugging. But still no dent in the mess. I don't get it - how long does one need to clean for every day to make it look tidy? I'm so caught up in the laundry routine that I can never get ahead. And now that all the thugs are sleeping (dad included - cough - asshat! - cough, cough), I just want to sleep too. Or run away while I can.

Now that I'm working, there's no time for leisure. No more gym time (lame reduced childcare hours that are unmanageable on the weekends.) Stacks and stacks of wonderful books and magazines taunting me, but never a chance to read them. An audio book at the ready to listen to, but can only hear every other word of the story with the gaggle of geese in our house.

At this point, I'm relieved we don't have any weekend sports for the kids right now. I don't want to add one more damn thing to our lame family schedule. If anyone is going to get to do a sport, it's going to me as I pedal my bicycle far, far away from this trash heap of a house.

I think I'm just going to take a broom and start sweeping all the clutter and toys into a big pile or trash can and then make the kids sort it all. That could be their weekend sport - competitive cleaning. "You have 5 minutes - I'm timing you - ready, set, go!"

Please tell me it gets easier as they get older! Otherwise I'm just going to become one of those crazy ladies on Hoarders: Buried Alive. You'll find me suffocated under all my piles of unfolded laundry and cloth diapers.