My dream is small but huge at the same time. I just want to be able to have everyone in my house play or work independently without my constant intervention. And to have a clean, organized, clutter-free house.
On this most awesome Martin Luther King Jr. day, when I am lucky to have the day off to spend with all the kids, without Daddy-O, plus an extra friend who came over to play, I am trying to focus on my goal of organizing the house's clutter. I'd like to get to the office mainly and my insurmountable paper piles.
Between my oldest chickadee's manipulation and bullying and my youngest chickadee's whining and crying and my l'il chicken hawk's insatiable curiosity and hunger and EVERYONE's general messiness, I have the feeling of being out of control and the rising anger. Upstairs the girls are doing something sneaky right now and I know when I go up there I'm going to find a disaster. I will raise my voice for certain. Then they will remind me how hungry they are and ask when we'll be having lunch. And I will say, "whenever you plan on making it."
My last thought before I go deal with them. I don't like chaos. I don't like feeling out of control. Raising these kids and spending endless amount of time with them makes me feel out of control and like they never learn what I'm trying to teach them. I try to be nice, and I ultimately end up getting mean because of their disrespect and tendency to ignore.
I dream to have the power and patience to get through this day without losing it completely. Wish me luck!