Tuesday, August 27, 2013

When Imaginations Run Wild

What ID Addicts Should Know
Photo credit:
I watch a lot of ID (Investigation Discovery) on TV which shows a lot of real crime dissection; it's very addictive. They feature shows such as Deadly Affairs, Surviving Evil, Scorned, Deadly Sins, Deadly Women, Happily Never After, 50 Shades of Deadly... you get the idea.

It's irresistible! I think I've been watching a little too much lately, because in my mind, I anticipate a crime scene around every corner. Or what I call, 'a Stephen King scenario'.

This morning I went to an eye exam appointment at a new place I've never been before off the beaten path. I had decided to switch from the Lens Crafters/Costco experience to a real office setting. It was the first appointment of the day (8:00) and there were no cars in the parking lot and no human beings within sight. It was eerily quiet.

I cautiously walked up to the office. A young, bearded receptionist man checked me in, which is not an everyday thing in a medical office. Everything continued to go as you would expect in a clinical setting, but I was hyper-aware of every little thing and on guard.

Then I went into the exam room with the older eye doctor. Door closed. Lights off. My glasses were removed. Everything was a little bleary. Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. I almost think an eye exam is more frightening than the gynecologist or the dentist. His face was so close up to mine and it's so uncomfortable. His eye looking directly into mine.

Scenes ran through my head about rape, kidnap, murder. My husband didn't even know where I was or the new doctor's name. Not that he would need to; but in case anything happened, that would be good information for him to know.

When I left, we were all laughing over something funny. I stepped outside into the fresh air with a sense of relief. The parking lot was filling up with cars and there were people walking around. I felt safe and glad to be alive.

At what point do you determine whether frightening moments like those are paranoid suspicions or valid intuition you should heed? Should a woman always tell someone where she's going or have a male chaperon with her at all times? Inquiring minds want to know...

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Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Potty Training Complaining

I just realized that I've been potty training/toilet coaxing/bathroom nagging for way too many years. Each of my three children are resistant to using the toilet on their own initiative. They don't mind soiled pants. I almost think they like the negative attention.

My two chickadees (8 and almost 6) were 3 when they started being consistent about the toilet, yet they continue to have potty accidents during the day because they don't want to be bothered with taking a break from playing. They also rush through the process and often fail to wipe; which I frustratingly discover later on in the day.
Our semi-successful potty seat. "Feed the froggy."
(Amazon Affiliate)

Moving on to the l'il chicken hawk... he'll be 3 in December. I pay extra for the potty training service at his preschool and he's off and on with his 'training'. If you remember from previous posts, I have been mainly cloth diapering him since he was an infant. The preschool prefers to use Pull Ups instead of cloth diapers or the thick training underwear with vinyl underpants over it. He poops all throughout the day, so he can't necessarily be bare at school.

I don't want to keep buying Pull Ups. I feel it's a waste of money. I just want the kid to be potty trained. It is extremely time consuming to monitor his potty behavior and clean up after accidents. It's much easier to change an infant's dirty diaper than an active, strong, wiggly 2 1/2 year old. Always having to leave the rest of the children and family activities to go back and forth to the toilet with frequent psych outs by him.

Tonight he tricked me saying he had to go potty at bedtime, so I took him out of his crib to go to the bathroom. Then he proceeded to demolish the bathroom without relieving himself; toilet paper, Kleenex, soap, water, toothbrushes, door stop cap, spider killing, decorations. Anything but the act of peeing. I insisted he go or we wouldn't leave the bathroom. Finally after an hour, he peed; stubborn boy.

Sorry, but no, I will not do sticker charts. I will often give treats like jelly beans and I cheer and high five for poop and pee, but I don't see the point in having sticker charts - something I have to create, manage and cajole a kid to do something they should naturally be inclined to do without my over-involvement.

I guess I'll just stick with it and try not to take it too seriously. Keep him bare butted as much as possible when he's at home and try to make it a positive experience; as hard as it may be. I'll keep cloth diapering with double inserts at night. Maybe I can stick with training underwear and vinyl underpants at preschool if he regulates his poops.

Any advice? (Aside from sticker charts.)


Saturday, August 17, 2013

Summer Fun and Other BS

Since I haven't been blogging or using social media regularly the past month or so, here is what I have been doing instead:
  • Trying to keep up with the laundry/housework (failing)
  • Going to work (half-heartedly)
  • Traveling to Seattle and hanging out with old friends
  • Working out
  • Juicing and trying to eat more veggies
  • Tending to my garden
  • Camping
  • Potty training a resistant 2.5 year old
  • Coaxing chickadees to do what I want (what they should)
  • Harboring anger and hostility
  • Watching Orange is the New Black episodes (finished season 1)
  • Planning fun birthday parties 
  • Daydreaming about making changes in my life to be happier
  • Listening to The Silver Star by Jeannette Walls on audio book.
  • Fighting with my husband (today specifically)
About fighting and being angry... I don't know why it's so difficult for Daddy-O and I to get along lately. We can't communicate. It was better when we each took separate trips away from each other and we came back refreshed. Now we fought because I didn't tell him I was planning on building another planter in the backyard; the ugliness factor, logistics and lack of money. I don't like to argue and I don't communicate well orally. I have my ideas and plans all my head and up there everything seems logical and easy and affordable. 

I'm not an over-spender. I'm a frugal saver in fact. Sometimes I splurge, but not often. I told him I don't need to tell him all my plans of what I want to do to the house. We've lived here about 5 years and I don't do a lot of projects or shopping for the house. I mentioned we need to start doing some projects and I'm going to initiate them with or without him. That didn't go over well. He started getting hostile about 'his money' and all the other bullshit. 

Thank God I work and have my own money. I couldn't imagine asking him for money. No matter how frugal I am, he still treats me with suspicion over the big ticket items I want to get and do for the house. It's frustrating. Especially since there are so many bitchy overspending trophy wives in this area of the country that stay at home, have nannies, gardeners and everything they want and need to make their pretty little lives comfortable. That will never be my reality. He should feel lucky.

Well, rant over. A dude from Craigslist is coming over soon. :) He's installing my new garden planter in the backyard.

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Friday, August 2, 2013

Tell Elle: New Working Mom Angst

A good friend of mine, who has worked with me in the past and saw me go through the changes of being a new mom, had her first baby this year. She went back to work full time a few months ago and I've asked her to write on her experience of being a new working mom. I've experienced it three times now myself - and the whole going back to work after maternity leave is never easy.

Here is her experience with emotional angst over with being a new working mom.
When asked how I feel about being a working mom, I cry a little on the inside. I wished I could strictly be a stay at home mom. I wished I didn't have to "make ends meet" and need my income to survive. I wished I could wake up and sleep with my baby and not miss a thing (Like the Aerosmith song ). 
Every day my baby is growing and doing new things, having new experiences, having new facial expressions, understanding and learning and expressing herself more than the day before. I miss her every second of the day. I am tearing up as I am writing this. I could just say, screw it all and just stay home, but the bills will pile up and she wouldn't have as many toys, or clothes or even a savings, so I do the responsible thing and work.
Sometimes I feel a slave to my mortgage and my debt. Sometimes I want to be a hippy and not care about late payments or keeping my house so tidy and nice, but in the end I know everything I do is for my baby. I want to give her the world and more.
At work I have to pump and my boss is semi-understanding. She did not breastfeed, so she doesn't understand why I do it. She has asked me a couple of times, "How long do you plan on breast feeding?" Which I think that it's not that she actually cares as much as wonders how long I will continue to take extended breaks. It's annoying, but I continue to smile, I continue to give my baby my best and convince myself every day that I am making the right choice. That she is in great hands with her grandmas and remind myself that I am working to provide her a better life.
I can totally relate with her sentiments. Even after being a mom for eight years now, and juggling three little ones, it hasn't gotten all that much easier. I still have days where I miss my kids terribly and second-guess my decision to be a working mom. But then again, I don't see any other feasible option. I like having my own (albeit small) income and the certain freedoms that come along with it (economic, psychological...) I want a stable economic future for me, my husband and each child.

If you'd like to share your working mom story, email me at Elle [AT] SeeMomWorkBlog [DOT] com. I'd love to hear from you!

Here's a small selection of light reading material for working moms.