I can't even bring myself to write in full sentences. I've had a writer's block for months. At this current moment, we're at the end of a Saturday. I'm feeling so anxious and overwhelmed; I mainly experience this way on Sundays. The sensation that there is too much to do, not enough time or energy, that things are slipping through the cracks.
In addition to the normal stress of work, home, leisure and the upcoming back to school extravaganza, I've been interviewing for a new job. For the past month. My nerves can hardly stand the suspense and unknown. I'm torn between what is comfortable and known and what is new, scary and potentially extra workload. I don't want a more difficult work life balance. I don't know if I can handle an even heavier load.
I enjoy being a working mom to a certain extent, but I don't necessarily want to be totally entrenched in my profession at the expense of stretching myself even thinner. Will I ever have balance and well being? At my current job I am able to be available to the children and their special events, doctors appointments and their sick days. I get a plentiful amount of vacation, personal days and work at home options. I don't want to sacrifice that.
Is an increase of pay worth it? I almost think not. But then again, the reality is that my finances are tight and I could use the extra money. I am pursuing the opportunity and seeing where it takes me. I may not even get an offer. And if I do, I don't have to take it. In fact, maybe I could become a non-working mom for good measure! Quit working altogether! Yeah, probably not a wise move.
What does a good work life balance look like to you? I need a pep talk.
P.S. In other happy news, it seems as though my l'il Chicken Hawk (3.8 years old) is officially potty trained! Underwear 24/7 - yay!