Sunday, November 6, 2016

Six Months into New Job and Over It

Book to add to my Working Mom Reading List
Pardon my rant... but being a working mom sucks right now. Employers who promise flexibility and then end up not delivering on that promise suck. Occupying all my working hours with lame, unproductive meetings and demanding strategies, tactics and timelines for the most mundane projects that don't require that much time, is asinine. I should be able to get the actual work done, but no - layers upon layers of approvals and shit are preventing it. So I should bring my work home with me at night and on the weekends to try to be productive?! In addition to parenting, domestic chores, physical fitness, etc.?! Ugh. I don't like being a grown up sometimes.

I'll continue trying to make the best of it, though. Save my pennies, work on building my resume, look for a new job, network... I'm six months in. Holidays are upon us. I need a vacation from that place. They are wonky. Like people have to be physically in their seat at their desk to be working. And heaven forbid if you leave to take a real lunch or do errands. F that. We're not performing neuroscience or sending astronauts to the moon.

So my last two jobs have really sucked. Perhaps I'm in the wrong career field. Maybe I was wrong when I chose it. Maybe I'm getting too old to do it anymore. Perhaps I'm better suited to be a bus driver or a self storage attendant. Things are so different when you study them in college than the real world. Then you have to deal with real dickheads and control freaks.

I have 20+ more years of this working life shit. How in the world will I make it through? I need a change. I could see if working was my only commitment. But I have a lot more to be concerned with. I want to enjoy my kids more. They are now 11, 9 and almost 6 and require a lot of time, effort, instruction, refereeing, help, food, transportation... there's only so much of me to go around. And I'm SO DAMN TIRED.

I know I've been melancholy and I've sought help from online therapy (Talk Space), and it helps a little. I'm also exercising as much as possible, not drinking alcohol regularly, trying to do good self care, etc. It helps some. But then I'm back at work and anxious, stressed and annoyed. I guess I have a low tolerance for bullshit.

I will keep trying. I will work on persevering. I will remain upbeat as much as possible. I will work more on setting boundaries with people. I will work on being patient and loving with myself when I don't succeed at balance. I will continue to do the best I can. I will try to find ways to laugh as much as possible and not let uptight people get the better of me.

Any other advice you may have, feel free to leave it in a comment below. Any books, podcasts, blogs, movies that you recommend?


2 comments:

  1. I know what you are feeling, though I have only one kid. Personally I don't have a recipe, I'm just keep doing all that stuff and hoping. I just dream (and work towards that dream) that one day I will find the job I like, enjoy and it won't me feel that my girl is growing up without her mom.

    Kelly,

    Job Searching Mom

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    Replies
    1. Kelly, thanks for leaving a comment and pep talk. I'm going to keep up the good fight too. :)

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